Using "And" Instead of "But"

As human beings, we strive for two things: connection and belonging with others. Communication is one of the many ways to develop connection with others; an essential part in the development and maintenance of any relationship. There are numerous ways in which we can communicate with one another - facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, writing, touching, and listening.

Verbal communication is one powerful way to connect with others, and did you know there is one word used in verbal communication that can make a profound difference in day-to-day communication? And.

Whenever you’re about to say “but,” try replacing it with “and” for more effective communication. That one little tweak can make all the difference in the impact of your message being relayed. “But” ends dialogue and dismisses any words before it. “And” allows two truths to be true simultaneously, even if they seem to oppose one another. It is more expansive and acknowledges what precedes it.

Try reading these next few statements aloud and see how you feel after hearing them:

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, but I was having a really hard day.” vs “I’m so sorry I hurt you, and I’ll be more mindful of the words I choose next time.”

“You did a great job on that project last week, but I see some areas that need adjustments.” vs “You did a great job last week, and I see some areas that need some adjustments.”

Give it a shot and try swapping “and” for “but” in your conversations this week. It can change the way you think about yourself and how you communicate with others. It will open the doors to more effective and non-defensive conversation!