TOXIC POSITIVITY

In today’s climate, it’s almost impossible not to scroll thorough social media and get hit with an onslaught of inspirational quotes telling you to “Look on the bright side!” “You’re fine, just keep pushing!” “Everything happens for a reason!” “It could be worse.” While those phrases are certainly positive, there is such a thing as toxic positivity. Dr. Jaime Zuckerman said it best: “Toxic positivity is the assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset or ‘positive vibes.’”

The beauty of being a human being is that we have the opportunity to hold and experience a complete spectrum of feelings. While some can be easier to sit with than others, if we disallow the existence of certain feelings - such as disappointment, jealousy, fear, or sadness – we invalidate, dismiss, minimize, and deny ourselves. Even worse, judging ourselves for feeling the “not so fun” feelings and avoidance or owning what we are truly experiencing can lead to shame, anxiety, and depression.

Examples of toxic positivity on everyday life:

·Hiding or masking your true feelings

·Trying to “get over it” by stuffing/dismissing an emotion

·Feeling guilty for feeling what you feel

·Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements

·Trying to give someone perspective instead of validating their emotional experience

·Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity

·Brushing off things that are bothering you with an “It’s fine”

 How to avoid toxic positivity:

·Acknowledge your genuine emotions, avoid ignoring or suppressing them

·Listen to and validate other people’s feelings—even when it’s different than how you feel

·Do not offer unsolicited advice.

·Don’t shame anyone (including yourself) for their emotions.

·Remember that feeling bad/sad/negative is completely normal. It OK to not be OK!

·It’s okay to feel more than one emotion at a time. You can feel sadness after a breakup AND relief that you are no longer together.

· Take a break from social media as it tends to be a breeding ground for toxic positivity.