THE 4 ATTACHMENT STYLES
Human beings are hard-wired for connection - we need it to survive, and research has shown that having strong, healthy relationships may predict a longer life. In the 1950’s, John Bowlby identified 4 styles of attachment, which develop early in life, largely based on relationships with our primary caregivers. These styles are fluid, meaning that we may find ourselves leaning more into different styles in different relationships or at different times in our lives, however, we typically have one style that serves as a “home base” so to speak.
The 4 attachment styles are:
Anxious (or anxious-ambivalent): Individuals with this attachment style tend to fear abandonment by their partner or friends, and similarly, may feel distraught when relationships end. Due to these worries and experiences, they may be reluctant to become close to others. Research has shown a link between low maternal availability and ambivalent attachment. Children with this style are often described by teachers as clingy and over-dependent.
Avoidant (or dismissive-avoidant): Those with an avoidant attachment style typically have difficulty with intimacy and close relationships, and often experience little distress when a relationship ends. They may be unwilling or unable to share thoughts and feelings with the people in their life.
Disorganized (or fearful-avoidant): These individuals are inconsistent in their attachment behavior and have difficulty trusting others. They tend to see their adult relationships as unpredictable and an inevitable source of hurt and disappointment. It is believed that this attachment style often results from inconsistent and unpredictable caregivers or trauma involving the child’s caregivers.
Secure: Securely attached individuals tend to share feelings openly with partners and friends; have trusting, lasting relationships, and seek out social support. As children, these individuals tend to have caregivers who respond more quickly to their needs and are generally more responsive than the caregivers of the other 3 styles.
By getting to know our attachment styles better, we begin (or continue!) the process of empowering ourselves in our relationships. For those of us to whom secure attachment is less familiar, therapy can be a wonderful tool in detangling our early experiences from our present-day so that we can move forward with agency and intentionality.