Creating Joy this Holiday Season

Image by Deborah Hudson from Pixabay

As we look ahead to the upcoming holidays, some of us may feel excited anticipation, others may feel grief or loneliness, and many of us will experience some combination of emotions, concerns, and expectations. In order to prepare ourselves for holidays and similar periods, it is useful to take time beforehand to explore the “3 Gs” - goals, grief and giving - and set intentional plans and space for ourselves.

GOALS - What are your goals this holiday? Maybe it’s to have a more pleasant interaction with a family member; maybe it’s reconnecting with an old friend; maybe it’s cooking a cherished meal or experimenting with something new; or maybe it’s to spend a day caring for yourself. Whatever your hope, take time to set that intention and set a goal that feels possible and within your control. While you cannot control how others will behave, it is within your power to decide how you will engage with others, how you will receive their words, and what you want most out of your time.

For instance, if you are preparing for a challenging social/familial interaction, consider setting a goal to practice deep breathing, positive self-talk and/or acceptance exercises to keep yourself grounded during those exchanges. Or, plan ways in advance to shift topics of conversation to more neutral ground. Consider building in moments of self-care, and setting those boundaries for yourself and your loved ones in advance, so that you will have breaks to relax, take a walk, listen to music or play with a pet - anything that gives you a chance to recalibrate and reconnect with yourself. Things you do in advance to set yourself up for success, matched with intentional behaviors to create space, can reduce anxiety and increase the chance that you will have a positive experience.

GRIEF - Holidays can be a very emotional and lonely time, especially if you have lost someone who you would have been with, or if your relationship with someone has changed so that you can no longer have a positive experience together. That might mean not having plans to be with loved ones this holiday, or it might mean your gathering looks different (or emptier) than it has before. Take time to honor your loss and to give yourself grace and compassion that this holiday may not look exactly how you want. Resist the urge to compare or to accept pressure that your holiday has to look or feel a certain way. Consider taking a break from social media/news so that you are not bombarded with reminders of what you are missing. 

Instead, consider how you want this holiday to feel and find small ways to create that for yourself. Maybe you create a day of self-care that includes favorite foods, movies or activities. Maybe you reach out to new members in your community or connect with others who are also not with family/friends for the holiday. Maybe there is a hobby you've been yearning to have a day off to try. Whatever you choose, remember that this is one day like any other, and that the pressure to have a certain kind of celebration is both real (pushed by media, advertising) and artificial (it is a 24hr chunk of time like any other.) Choose at least one thing that will bring you joy for the day, whether that’s walking your dog or baking cookies or finally starting that art project, and if there is someone you can connect with, plan at least a few minutes to see, talk to or text with them.

GIVING - One thing often overlooked during the holidays is that in the midst of carving out joy for ourselves, we have the opportunity to give and be present for others. Sometimes in the stress, pressure and excitement of the holiday, we can get wrapped up in logistics or needs. And yet, as researchers point out, positive behaviors such as altruism can have “as strong an impact on mental health as other traditional markers” and are “consistently associated with less depressive and anxious symptoms” (Martins et. al, 2022). Shifting focus away from ourselves and onto gratitude, kindness and the ways we can impact the world positively can help us shift attention away from our concerns or negative emotions and improve our overall outlook and health.

Whether together with others or alone this holiday, consider serving meals to those less fortunate, donating time and cheer to a facility for the elderly, or joining efforts in your religious or community groups. You just might find that in addition to serving up joy for someone else, you have created joy for yourself. 

Martins, Salamene, L. C., Lucchetti, A. L. G., & Lucchetti, G. (2022). The role of positive behaviors, attitudes and virtues in the mental health of community-dwelling older adults: A 1-year follow-up study. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 154, 110721–110721. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2022.110721