Getting Through the Holidays While Grieving
"Snowy forest" by HibaHaba is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
Holidays are notoriously hard for people who are living in the wake of a significant loss. Whether it’s been weeks, months, years, or decades since the loss of a loved one, “grief triggers” may continue to arise on a regular basis - especially around grief anniversaries, holidays, and other seasonal landmarks. They often conjure up all kinds of memories which may include deceased loved ones in some way, and there can be a lot of mixed feelings connected to these.
If you or someone you know is grieving a loss during this holiday season, we at Connections Counseling would like you to know that you are not alone. This is a common struggle and it is normal to experience any number of different emotions, some of which may even feel contradictory. When we are again confronted with the loss of the loved person, being reminded of their absence by our grief triggers in so many different ways, we may feel shock, disbelief, loneliness, sadness, fear, pain, regret, anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, longing, love, joy, tenderness, listlessness, weariness, emptiness… and the list goes on.
Furthermore, grief not only profoundly affects our lives in the present moment, but it also touches our past and future as well. When we look back to days gone by we may feel mixtures of any or all of the above emotions in relation to these memories, including the painful sense that, for better or worse, they are in the past. And when we envision the days to come, we may feel any of the above emotions along with the painful realization that the loved person will not be there to play the role in our future that we wished, hoped for, or dreamed about.
Adding all of this to the ordinary stressors associated with this time of year, the prospect of getting through the holidays while grieving can be truly daunting. So, to help make it just a bit easier to manage, we would like to offer the following suggestions for your consideration. By all means, take what feels helpful and leave the rest. This is your grief journey, and it is as unique as the bond you shared with that special person, not to be compared or measured against anyone else’s losses or grief journeys.
This holiday season, we would encourage you to give yourself permission to:
Consider doing things differently or doing less, if it feels right to you, and/or
Doing things the same, if it feels right to you;
Whatever you do, honor your limits & be sure to voice them to others as needed.
Be extra kind to yourself during this difficult season & take care of yourself, and
Reach out to others for support (friends, family, mental health professionals, etc.).